Zach's Father: Check or plastic? 
Dennis Van Welker: Cash. 

Walter: Who would think something like this would happen from harmless flares and roman candles? 

Steve: This bites. 
All: Yeah. 
Heather: We should just go home. 
All: Yeah. 
Steve: At least at home they have cable. 
All: Cable. 
Arnold: Baywatch. 
Guys: Baywatch. 
Walter: Baywatch. 

"Mud": Dad! Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't act stupid. 
Gaby: If Mud's guilty I am too. 
Zach: I'm guilty too! 
Trish: Yeah and I'm stupid too! Well... you know what I mean. 
Gaby: Smart enough to act stupid. 

Dennis Van Welker: You know, back in the '60s when we said we wanted to change society, maybe we should've been more specific. 

Fein: Back in the 60's, some hippies came here and turned the place into a commune. You know, sex, and drugs, and debauchery. 
Dennis Van Welker: Knew I'd been here before. 
Gaby: Eww! You did that stuff here? 
Dennis Van Welker: No... not *here*. (Takes a step to the right and nods) 

Arnold: Relax... it'll be fine... I mean we're not complete morons! 

Lt. Eliot Hendricks: Fleurm... what the hell are you doing?

Gaby [on Dennis Van Welker]: Last year, he tried to do 'Silence of the Lambs' as a musical. 

Karl Dell: I'm freezing my nuts off out here! 
Zach Dell: You can thaw em' out later. 

Dennis Van Welker: Do you know what the first rule of the theater is, Mud? 
Mud: No... 
Dennis Van Welker [shouting]: TALK LOUD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO HERE YOU! 
Mud: ok... so... [shouts] ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME? 
Dennis Van Welker: Much better... no. 

Morris 'Mud' Himmel [complaining about his parents]: Jesus, they talk about me like... I'm unemployed or something. 

Morris 'Mud' Himmel: Zach, you're gonna put somebody's eye out!... I'm turning into my parents. 

Dennis Van Welker [some advise to Mud]: Here's what you do: get lost! Disappear into the woods for five or six hours. When you show up they'll be so glad you haven't been eaten by bears, they'll forget the other stuff!

"Mud": ...then you'll start to grow some, ... chests.

T.R. Polk: [after getting the money for Dennis' car] You're a little short. 
"Mud": Well... you're a little fat. 

Zach: I just gotta say... THIS IS MAJOR COOL, YEAH! 

Zach: You know, if you were wearing a skirt right now, I'd be in heaven.